Codependecy


My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you.

My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you.

Your struggles affect my serenity. My mental attention focuses on solving your problems or relieving your pain.

My mental attention is focused on pleasing you.

My mental attention is focused on protecting you.

My mental attention is focused on manipulating you “to do it my way”.

My self-esteem is bolstered by relieving your pain.

My own hobbies and interests are put aside. My time is spent sharing your interests and hobbies.

Your clothing and personal appearance is dictated by my desires as I feel you are a reflection of me.

I am not aware of how I feel, I am aware of how you feel. I am not aware of what I want, I ask what you want.If I am not aware, I assume.

The dreams I have for my future are linked to you.

My fear of rejection determines what I say or do.

My fear of your anger determines what I say or do.

I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship.

My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you.

I put my values aside in order to connect with you.

I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own.

The quality of my life is a relation to the quality of yours.

 

WHEN I FEEL RESPONSIBLE FOR OTHERS WHEN I FEEL RESPONSIBLE TO OTHERS
I…
fix
protect
encourage
control
share
rescue
confront
carry their feelings
level
listen
am sensitive
show empathy
I feel…..
tired
anxious
free
fearful
aware
liable
high self-worth
relaxed

 

I am concerned with….
the solution
answers
circumstances
being right
details
performance
relating person-to-person
feelings
the person

 

I am a manipulator. I believe that if I just share myself the other person has enough to make it.

I am a helper/guide.

I expect the person to live up to I expect the person to be responsible my expectations and they feel like for himself and his own actions. they can never measure up and they are never loved and accepted. I can trust, let go.

Be not wise in your own estimation the bible says. A person who is wise in his own estimation thinks he knows what is best for others and he will try to convince them to do things as he believes they should for their own good. He has a fierce desire to promote his own idea or way of doing things to the exclusion of others. He excludes others feelings, thoughts, ideas, wants and needs. He is closed minded and won’t listen to anything that differs from his way of doing something because he feels he is right and you are wrong and he is going to make you feel as he does about whatever is being discussed. He feels right and superior and knows what is best and he is not meek or teachable. His attitude is unyielding and unsubmissive. He is well intentioned and sees his actions as caring and loving and wanting the best for others. He will rally support for his way of thinking. This person’s wisdom is actually earthly, sensual and devilish and pride is at the root of this person’s behavior. This behavior causes division and strife and every evil thing and it puts you on one side and them on the other and they try to convince you to see or do things their way for your good. This is James 3 translated from original language.

TO LET GO TAKES LOVE

To let go does not mean to stop caring.

It means I can’t do it for someone else.

To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequence.

To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to care for, but to care ABOUT.

To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be him or herself.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes but to allow others to determine their own destinies.

To let go is not to be less protective, it is to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to dominate, but to be willing to let things happen.

To let go is not to betray the past, but to have faith in the future.

To let go means to fear less, and love more.

LETTING GO

To let go doesn’t mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off, it’s the realization that I can’t control another.
To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another; I can only change myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to effect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to be protective; it is to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes.
To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone but to try to become the dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more.

Fr. Robert Gehring
Maryknoll Associate Priest from the Diocese of Gary, Indiana, serving in Bolivia